Ok, I STINK at blogging every day.
I guess I feel like "what's the point?" If no one is even reading this...
Well I've been reading a blog title ThatWife and it's kinda "inspired" me a little.
This time last year, I had just moved to Utah, was engaged, and soon to be married...(Ok so I wasn't engaged until the 23rd but I was almost there!)
And in 2009, I was taking the lessons with the missionaries. Who would've known (other than Heavenly Father) that I would be married to one of those boys just a year later.
So I'd like to go ahead and talk about my conversion story. I don't want to be limited to 160 words like I am in some places to talk about the most amazing experience of my life. I know that a lot of my friends and family don't agree with my decision, but I couldn't just deny the things that I felt because it might upset some people.
My whole "story" began with me dating a guy that I knew was LDS and me thinking I could save him and show him "truth." We would drive around town and have long talks about the differences in our faiths and it came to the point that he wasn't curious at all about my church, but I sure was curious about his. I had to go to Memphis because one of my uncles passed away, and while I was there I talked on the phone with a lot of people. (I'm sorry if this upsets someone after what I'm about to say but I don't want to hold back anything, I want the real story to be told) New years eve, I went to a party in Memphis with my cousin. We had a lot of "fun" and I watched everyone drink quite a bit. I also met a guy there...I don't remember his name but I do remember flirting with him a lot. That whole time that I was in Memphis I just felt empty and numb and cried more on that trip than I ever remember crying in my life. Everyone was giving me compliments on how beautiful I looked and how great my hair was and just so many things like that but I felt awful. I would spend a ton of time just looking in the mirror, becoming more and more obsessed with the outward appearance while trying to mask what was going on inside of me.
When I got home, I started talking more and more to said mormon boy. I googled the Book of Mormon and found mormon.org. I started reading the introduction to the book and praying (even in the shower) to let me know if this was true or not. I was so scared because I just KNEW that this couldn't be true. I had been told my whole life how wrong the mormons had it and that we needed to help them see the "truth". I prayed night and day and finally decided that I would go to church with the Sparkman family and give it a shot. When I got there, the church was actually brighter than the other churches in town. I don't know why that stuck out to me but it just was. I sat down and before I was there for 5 minutes there was already a group of little ladies shaking my hand and giving me hugs and acting like they'd known me their whole life. Not much different than the Baptist church in a small town but they gave me a label. Investigator.
During the first meeting, which was called sacrament meeting, they passed trays with bread and water. I'm used to communion which is little wafers that are like bread except more like a cracker and then grape juice. The water thing threw me off.
There were two little children that got up and sang a song with an adult. Also there was a little girl who spoke during this meeting, and I was amazed at how much a 5 year old could know. There wasn't just one pastor that gave a sermon, there were several people that got up and spoke. Some of them cried, and I didn't understand why they were crying. It was such a weird thing to me to see someone blubber over the pulpit. The songs weren't much different, still singing with a piano and a hymn book.
So the first meeting wasn't too bad...then to Sunday School. Me and mormon boy's sister went into a class with the other teens that are still in high school. One of the boys kept falling asleep but I knew this was my chance to participate so I paid extreme attention. We started talking about things in Doctrine and Covenants and I realized that I didn't have that in my bible. Brother Sparkman (our teacher) took a little time out of the lesson to try to explain to me about Joseph Smith but this was a lot of information to receive in one day so all I really remember was him showing me the cover to Our Heritage and explaining what a personage was. It really didn't make much sense and I was really starting to feel overwhelmed.
Then we went to Young Women's. There was so much to take in that first Sunday that I really don't remember much. I know that our teacher in YW let me pick a song from the hymn book so that I would be able to sing along. I picked How great thou art and belted it out very loudly. They'd never heard me sing, so what an introduction to my voice! I felt awkward. It was so new and everyone kept saying words that I didn't understand like reverent, investigator, sacrament, atonement....etc. I felt like these people had a completely different education than I had but we had all been going to the same High school!
So finally...the three hours were over...I was invited to go over to the Sparkman's house for dinner and I was definitely ready to eat and sleep! I was also invited to a fireside in Monahans but I thought it was kinda strange that they told me to still wear my sunday clothes to a camp fire?! But I went like they said...I didn't know we were going to church again... By this time I was SO overwhelmed with emotions and just felt so confused. These people were so nice to me but there were so weird too...I didn't know if I believed it or if I should run! Well after the fireside, we went into a room to eat some lasagna and cookies. Well I was left in there by myself because Sam had to go plan out the next fireside and Mormon Boy was still in class....So there I am...surrounded by mormons and eating lasagna...with a lip ring..and pink strands in my hair...
In walks a boy with a name tag and he's singing. I'd met elders before and had even talked to them a couple of times so I was really happy when I saw him! He walked over to the table and introduced himself as "Elder Chucay" but when he said his last name I had to look at the name tag again and ask him to say one more time because the way he said it and the spelling just did NOT match up. Well FINALLY Mormon Boy was out of class and he was talking to Elder Chucay's companion Elder Beesley. We all 4 start talking like normal young adults and joking around but then Elder Beesley asks me "Hey so where are you from and why haven't we met you yet?" (They thought I was just less active) So I felt really awkward and was wanting to just sprint all the way home! But thankfully Mormon Boy took over for me and told them I was that Investigator word again....Well Elder Chucay was very happy and they both wanted my phone number and address so they could come "talk" to me sometime. I still to this day think that those 2 tricked me, but I'm not hostile. On the car ride back to Pecos, The family wanted to talk about the different lessons that we'd had. I really couldn't take much more. Mormon Boy asked his dad to stop talking and I just started bawling...I couldn't explain what I felt but I felt like everything that I'd know my whole life had been turned completely upside down and I was beginning to question everything!
So the missionaries called and set up our first appointment to meet up at the Sparkman's house.
To Be Continued.......